8 September 2025
How is social media changing the conversation on dysfunctional relationships?
On TikTok, the hashtag #toxic has millions of posts – clips, memes, and personal stories. Most of these videos revolve around one theme: destructive relationships. A topic that was, before Social Media, usually addressed in therapy or explored by psychologists. Online, however, the Gen Z and Millennials approaches it differently: they draw on a mix of vocabulary, some borrowed from psychology, others more colloquial, to talk about their experiences. It isn’t just toxic, a popular shorthand for dysfunctional relationships rather than a formal psychological term, that has made its way into everyday language. Terms like gaslighting, love bombing, and red flags have also become integral parts of digital communication. These words are now memes, hashtags, and cultural touchstones.
They are shaping how young people talk about relationships, how they evaluate them, and how they experience them. But if even wearing socks in bed is now labelled a red flag, how do we distinguish genuine warning signals from trivial quirks, and what does this blending mean for the way we talk about with destructive relationship patterns?
From Psychology to Meme
Some of today’s viral expressions have their roots in science, while others are purely colloquial. The term gaslighting for example. Its origins trace back to the 1938 stage play Gas Light, in which a man systematically manipulates his wife using a gas lamp until she begins to doubt her own sanity. The term first entered psychological literature in 1969, when psychoanalysts R. Barton and J. M. Whitehead published The Gas-Light Phenomenon in The Lancet, describing forms of emotional abuse through this metaphor. The #gaslighting now generates millions of posts across Instagram, Facebook, and TikTok. Some content is genuinely educational, but often it is simplified or taken out of context for social media. The more these terms are reduced and widely shared, the greater the risk that their original meaning becomes distorted.
By contrast, Red flags were originally understood as a universal warning symbol: at the beach, in the military, or on the road, a red flag signals danger. On social media, the metaphor was first adopted to describe warning signs of destructive or abusive behaviour. However, the concept has since been transformed into a meme, often represented by the red flag emoji 🚩. It is now used both ironically and seriously. For example, when Kylie Jenner (known from the Kardashians) appeared on TikTok using a filter that claimed to reveal her “three red flags,” the tone was more ironic. While the meme format gives the term enormous reach, it also contributes to a certain trivialisation.
Awareness & Destigmatisation
At the same time, the intense discussions and momentum surrounding terms like red flag, toxic relationship, or gaslighting on social media increase awareness of issues serious as domestic violence. They also help to reduce stigma among adolescents and young adults.
A systematic review published in 2023 in the EDUCATUM Journal of Social Sciences found that young people actively use platforms to seek information about mental health and to find emotional support. Even though the terms are simplified in the social media context, the platforms help break taboos and encourage individuals to confront issues of mental health or problematic relationship dynamics.
In addition, a recent study by Tan (2024) shows that victims of domestic violence use social media in three central ways: to seek immediate emotional relief through instant messaging, to gather information and access resources, and to share their own experiences in order to gain social support and visibility. Especially in situations where traditional support structures are unavailable or difficult to access, digital platforms provide low-threshold and often safe opportunities to connect to knowledge, solidarity, and networks.
Social media has turned terms like #toxicrelationship, #redflag, and #gaslighting into globalised concepts, making “toxic” relationship patterns a mainstream topic far beyond psychological discourse. Few things change as rapidly as social media — what trends yesterday may be forgotten tomorrow. The fact that these terms have remained highly visible for years on platforms like TikTok and Instagram demonstrates their cultural weight and relevance. They create spaces for dialogue, solidarity, and awareness that have never before existed in this form.
At the same time, their massive use also fuels trivialisation. If every small misunderstanding is labelled gaslighting, the term inevitably loses its sharpness and diagnostic value. Yet, one should give younger Generations credit: they are often able to distinguish between genuine engagement and ironic appropriation. In fact, it is this ability to use both seriousness and humour, education and memes side by side that characterizes how the younger generation navigates social media.
Trivialization, Self-Diagnosis & Domestic Violence
A central criticism of the inflationary use of these terms on social media is their growing trivialization. The hashtag #toxic is often applied to minor disagreements, while #gaslighting is used for even the smallest dishonesty. This dilution undermines the diagnostic value of the terms.
When psychological terminology is applied to every day, relatively minor situations, it can obscure the experiences of actual victims of gaslighting, dysfunctional relationships, or even domestic violence. Their struggles risk being equated with harmless quarrels.
Another risk lies in the rise of self-diagnosis. Particularly on TikTok, influencers frequently provide advice on mental health conditions or relationship patterns –often without professional expertise. This dynamic can lead people to mistakenly identify with a diagnosis or to normalize pathological behaviour.
Top 3 TikTok Video Formats Using #redflag
Red Flag Filter Reactions: Users try a filter that randomly assigns “red flags” and react humorously or ironically—Kylie Jenner is a notable example.
“My 3 Red Flags” List: Creators share personal or comedic deal-breakers, often with text overlays or monologue-style videos.
Compilation & Ranking : Montage-style videos stitch multiple red-flag moments together, ranking or exaggerating them for humor and shareability.
Sources
Barton, R., & Whitehead, J. M. (1969). The Gas-Light Phenomenon. The Lancet, 294(7620), 563–565. https://doi.org/10.1016/S0140-6736(69)90623-1
Abramson, K. (2014). Turning up the lights on gaslighting. Philosophical Perspectives, 28(1), 1–30.
https://www.tiktok.com/@kyliejenner/video/7242530084320513323
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/still-mind/202410/the-dangers-of-a-tiktok-self-diagnosis
EDUCATUM Journal of Social Sciences. (2023). Systematic review of adolescent social media use for mental health information and emotional support. EDUCATUM Journal of Social Sciences, 12(3), 45–62. https://www.researchgate.net/publication/378684975_Social_Media_Use_for_Youth_Mental_Health_Awareness_and_Help-Seeking_Attitudes_A_Systematic_Review
Tan, Z. (2024). Exploring the social media use of victims of domestic violence: A comprehensive study. ResearchGate.
About the authors
Mirjam Hutten is a working student at Yordas, where she handles communication for the Improve project. With a background in journalism, she brings a unique blend of practical and academic skills to her work. Currently, she is pursuing a master’s degree in digital communication at HAW Hamburg.
In this blog post, she examines how terms like “toxic” and “gaslighting” have evolved from clinical vocabulary into the everyday language of Gen Z and Millennials.